H&M x Marni

Since the announcement last November, the fashion sect has been drooling over the H&M collaboration with Marni for spring 2012. Hard-hitting news journals and blogs alike post the same pre-packaged quotes praising the brand for its print mixing, construction, and color blocking skills. Consuelo Castiglioni and her team produce quality work and they do possess such skills. However, I wouldn't call Marni an "Italian powerhouse" nor would I liken the brand to "one of the hottest tickets at Milan fashion week". That title would go to Missoni or Prada, certainly not Marni. Somebody at H&M must owe someone at Marni a favor - a saved child or rescued pet at the very least - because the matching doesn't make sense.

I'm not impressed. H&M could have (and should have) found a better act to follow Versace, a collection I found irresistible. I swooned over the palm tree print sweater, leggings, and button downs and even paid the inflammatory eBay prices for two pieces. The Versace collection was successful because for the first time in H&M history, they chose a partner who put a great deal of creativity into their womenswear as well as their menswear. 

In a perfect world, H&M would be able choose any partner. But unfortunately, the world we live in isn't perfect. Brands have to protect their identities, designers have egos, and a certain level of exclusivity has to be maintained. So, while I'm not holding my breath for that H&M x Dior collection, I still think there's a great deal of design talent out there that could bring a lot to the mass market audience of H&M.

H&M x Christopher Kane:
No stranger to retail mash-ups, Christopher Kane has worked with Topshop in the past and recently designed a capsule collection for J Brand. The collaboration with the denim brand doesn't showcase his true talent, though. Anyone can make neon denim, but not everyone can do what Christopher Kane does.

I love his printed short sets. The digital prints are mesmerizing and look amazing when paired together. I think H&M's male consumers would really respond to them. The gel clutch from Fall 201 was perhaps one of the most beautiful things I've ever laid eyes on. It could have easily been elementary school gone wrong; like ridiculously expensive Lisa Frank. Needless to say, it went very right. His womenswear is smart and truly fashion-forward. I know a lot designers claim to be at forefront of design, but he really is. I promise.

I bought a Christoper Kane dress at a Barneys warehouse sale a few years back. I never wear it because I don't exactly attend galas or other highbrow events and that's pretty much the only acceptable venue for such a special piece. I saw it and had to have it, like I could not continue life without it.

H&M x Raf Simons:
Raf Simons is the unsung hero of the fashion world - the Peter Parker, the Clark Kent - as evidenced by his superhuman designs. He did great work for Jil Sander and continues to take his namesake label to new heights. He's one of few designers that create thought provoking menswear and womenswear. 

For men, his innovation lies more so in details rather than the overall design. Color choice is another one of his strengths. I'm still lusting after his Spring 2011 collection with all the color blocking, scouring eBay for any leftovers. For women, Simons is responsible for the resurgence of peplum into mainstream fashion. Once he sent them down the runway, they became unavoidable. Everyone was doing it and still continue to do it. Most designer collections are either completely masculine hardcore or freaking harlequin romance novels. Simons carefully rations out the drama and balances aspects of both worlds, which makes for collections that always tell an interesting story.

H&M x Givenchy:
Were this collaboration ever to come to fruition it would be a game changer, plain and simple. Givenchy's edgy dark horse sensibility is something H&M tries to do but somehow always falls short, probably for lack of funds or resources. Mass market retailers aren't exactly known for their well-funded couturiers.

Riccardo Tisci's couture is the stuff of dreams. Often drawing inspiration from unlikely sources like samurai and human anatomy, his couture work is always breathtaking, provocative, and insightful. Something similar at a lower price point would be a welcome change to the basic leggings and mini skirts currently filling the racks of H&M. Tisci would be able to really bring couture elements to the designer collaboration world, something that's never been done before. Ever. He would be able to create something special and beautiful without the consumer having to sell their first born child.

The dinosaur tooth necklaces from Spring 2012 were incredible. It was like, "Let's take this cheesy thing from childhood, make it high fashion, and watch everyone fight over it". Just an example of the adaptation of primitive elements that sets Givenchy apart. A prehistoric object that somehow manages to be futuristic.

In the world of Givenchy menswear, there's no room for delicate sensibilities. It's masculine. It's muscle. It exudes a sort of intellectual aggression, perfect for men who want to test the waters of fashion without drowning. The clothing isn't all bruises and bar fights, though. Tisci often uses elements of womenswear in his mens and makes a look so natural you don't even notice. The Givenchy man will kick your ass and he'll do it in a skirt, making no apologies.

Next time, maybe H&M will approach a brand whose menswear and womenswear come together to form a cohesive aesthetic. The menswear should reflect and contain elements of the womenswear and vice versa. That's what makes a good collaborative effort, something for everybody. Nobody should be bored. Now is the time for mass market to be exciting. Our purchasing options have become way too safe. Yes, safe makes money. Safe keeps the business afloat and people employed. Safe is also what keeps Americans in Mom Jeans. Retailers like H&M should start working to get middle America to be more comfortable with making unconventional choices when it comes to their wardrobe. Everything they own may be from Costco, but their money is green too. Show them what they could have not just what you think they already want. In order to avoid becoming Aeropostale, H&M needs to decide whether it's utilitarian or aspirational. Are they in the business of selling clothing or selling dreams?

Ladyboy Realness

Ladies and Ladyboys, I give you Andrej Pejic. The fashion world is all aflutter with news of this androgyne. He's walked for menswear and couture and has campaigns lined up out the ass.   Everyone is so amazed that he's a boy that looks like a girl as if it's some anomaly that occurs once every 75,000 years. While the fashion crowd my fawn, I say get in line. The Tranny Train has long since left the station. As someone who is often mistaken for a female, I don't understand what the big deal is. Of course, he looks like a girl and ends up becoming an international fashion model. I look like a girl and become bait for drunken homeless men.

Weeks before a surgery, I had to have a consultation with my doctor. Because I have yet to remaster the art of walking long distances, my father had to push me to the waiting area in a wheelchair. As he was maneuvering me into a parked position, a woman elbow deep in a bag of potato chips turned her attention away from her lunch to me.

I pretended not to notice her. Instead, I fumbled with the Safari app on my iPhone, trying to find a website that would make me look like I was doing something important (they should make an app for that). It used to be that when you buried your head in your cell phone people left you alone - a Do Not Disturb sign for the technological age. Now, people just don't care. So much for social graces.

And so the waiting room banter began. "I just love Dr. P. I've been seeing her since July". In between open-mouthed chews she asked what I was there for. Before I could answer, she interjected with "Oh, are you here for -", while gesturing towards her chest and mouthing the words "your breasts?" I guess she figured discretion was necessary being that my father was the only male in the area and women, even when seated in the waiting room of a plastic surgeon's office, need to maintain an air of mystery.

Taken aback and embarrassed in my father's presence I emphatically replied "No, no, no! I'm here for my leg!" and began pointing at it as if her x-ray vision could see what was wrong. She skeptically gave me a sideways glance and returned to her chips. I should have said "I'm here for my leg and I have a penis", but even then she would probably assume I'm a hermaphrodite instead of just going with the easier "Maybe he's a boy".

Another time, while at the bank, I gave the teller my ID with my given name on it - a name that is quite obviously masculine - and she took one look at me and said "Wow. Joseph. I never met a girl with that name before. That's unique". I just took my deposit slip and smiled. Although, in her defense, I was carrying a gold Chanel bag so that was probably just her Midwestern mind trying to make sense of the situation.

Among the many gender reclassification stories I could tell, my favorite has to be the time I was asked if I still menstruate. Apparently, I not only look like a woman. I look like a cast member of Golden Girls.

As awkward as the situation is, it's even more awkward to have to openly declare your gender; so I just continue the charade until I can politely excuse myself. I love that even on my worst days someone will address me as she, miss, or ma'am. It almost gives me a sense of pride. For me, fashion is largely about creating characters or an exaggerated version of self; a way of bringing a little fantasy into my reality. And the fact that I can pass as female means I can create more characters, which means I can justify buying that much more clothes.