Good Week

It's been a good week and because it's been a good week I've constantly been looking over my shoulder for the other shoe to drop. I've been feeling more energetic, I've had less pain, and best of all I've been moving better. I still have to use a walker, but the whole idea of walking no longer makes me want to curl up in the fetal position and cry.

I saw my rheumatologist last Thursday, Dr. L. He wasn't too pleased at the progress I've been making. I could tell in the tone of his voice and the way he interacted with me - slightly frowning with skepticism all over his face. If I'm naturally getting better on my own that means that he had no part in my recovery and that he still doesn't know what's wrong with me or what medications to throw at me to "fix" the problem. Doctors don't like to be rendered useless.

My other doctor, Dr. K, his attending (who is older and more experienced), was much more sympathetic. I prefer him to treat me, but apparently choosing doctors is like choosing hair stylists - you just don't switch. Otherwise they get all pissy with each other. It's like a blood pact, once you choose, you choose for life. On countless occasions I've tried to make appointments to see just the attending, but somehow my other doctor always finds out and crashes the appointment. Now, after examining me on his own he brings in Dr. K, which I'm very grateful for.

In this last appointment Dr. K flat out admitted that they've tested for everything and can't find out exactly what's wrong with me. I wasn't mad, quite the opposite in fact. I was relieved and I admired him for his honesty. After eight years and cocky doctor after doctor, it's refreshing to find one that doesn't want to play God and can actually admit when he or she is wrong. I don't expect my doctor to have all the answers, but I do expect him to be honest. Of course, it would be nice to have a name for all of this medical drama instead of just calling it "my luck" or "my cross to bear", but I do appreciate his honesty.

My last doctor was very trendy. Very quick to (mis)diagnose and dismiss. I think my visits with her averaged around a maximum of 10-15 minutes. I guess this was her subtle way of telling me "Look, I have some shopping to do".  She once visited me in the hospital wearing metallic gold heels, which probably meant she spent more time at Saks than she did reviewing my medical records; so I can appreciate a sensible doctor.

I'm supposed to see neurology and infectious disease doctors that specialize in muscle autoimmune diseases next week. Let's hope this will be the first step in better understanding this monkey on my back.

P.S. Did I mention that next week I have appointments scheduled everyday Monday through Friday? I guess that's the other shoe.