The Queer Eye

I was getting my haircut a few days ago and I mentioned to my hairdresser that I loved her hair and that part of the reason why I keep coming back is that she seems like she has so much control over it. She blushed, and as her scissors attacked my split ends she told me she loved it when gay men compliment her because “they’re such fashionistas”. She then went on to say, “that’s like the ultimate compliment, when a gay guy compliments you”. I wanted to tell her not to believe the hype, that she couldn’t be further from the truth, and that, put simply, most gay men are a hot ass mess. But I couldn’t. You don’t just tell a three year-old that Santa Claus doesn't exist. And if I ripped the lid off of that one for you I really do apologize.

At one point did society just assume that all gay men are fashionable? Sure, there are some, but not the entire gay population as a whole. Homosexuality does not a stylist make. Most of the gay men I know are horribly garish and though I love a good padded shoulder, sequin, and armful of gold jewelry, that's not what I believe fashion is about. To me, it’s about finding the right piece for the right moment, making a statement, creating a character, not strapping caution tape to your chest and calling yourself "fashion-forward". The myth breeds these ill-equipped gay men thinking “I can be a stylist” or “I can be a designer” and they are released into the world to wreak havoc and to perpetuate stereotypes that paint them as God’s gift to fashion.

I think women and society at large become blinded by the fact that most of these guys can list designer names without end. That doesn’t mean they know a lot about fashion, that just means they like to shop. Ask them about Elsa Schiaperelli, Madeleine Vionnet, Paco Rabanne, or Charles Frederick Worth and I’m sure they will nervously change the subject to how much they love your shade of nail polish.

There are gay men who are more than capable of offering style advice, but like anything else truly genuine and valuable, they are rare; rare, but not entirely impossible to find. They are the editors of publications, the designers with a fresh voice and the seasoned professionals, the gay men with restraint. They don’t even have to be famous. Trust them, not every Justin, Tristan, or Robbie in a tube top with a bow on their head. Otherwise you just end up looking loud. Not cute. Loud.

Unfortunately, there are women out there who require the assistance of a stylist. They just can’t dress themselves, there’s no getting around it. If you do need a gay man to dress you, find one in a controlled setting – the fashion section of a library or bookstore, an upscale department store – don’t go patrolling around just any gay club, waiting for last call so the drunken messes can be thrown into the street and later picked up by you.

You should want to look nice. You should attract compliments. And when dressing, a compliment is always better than a reaction.